Let me be the first to admit that this article is completely out of my comfort zone! I spend a lot of time filtering, avoiding, and ultimately considering what I should’t say for fear of offending or shaming someone else! As a believer, there sometimes can be a line on what to say and what not to say! However, as I have grown, seasons have changed, and i’ve been exposed to more truth, I have completely grasp the concept that it’s not for me to filter, but to be completely honest with me and others! I think we all have come to certain truths in life – maybe I am first to say it this way, but as a blogger – I get to do what I love and that’s be transparent! None of this is meant to offend and I tried to focus on me opposed to blaming others for my discontent!
Second, as you read this, I disclaim: I absolutely love people and am an extrovert by nature. I love interacting, talking, networking, serving, and laughing with people. However, I discovered long ago that people will fail you and ultimately your differences begin to show. Although I made many excuses for many, I have recently discovered that outside of my closest family members and a few close friends, I just don’t mess with folks like I used to for the 6 reasons listed below.
- My mindset changed.
- It’s hard to be around the same old crew when some are advancing and others aren’t. We can talk and know each other for years and suddenly theres an issue. We often enter into relationships while we’re dysfunctional. Well, eventually we begin to heal, become whole, and we learn to logically process situations and circumstances. As we age, we’re supposed to get wiser and sometimes that requires us to divorce old habits and harmful relationships! I noticed my old mindset came with baggage and that baggage was people! I stayed in relationships due to obligation not actual chemistry, love, friendship etc. I knew I had to bounce and one day I no longer felt bad about it. Sometimes it’s better to move on and organically allow relationships to end rather force them.
- I became sidetracked.
- At some point, I began to shift my priorities to others priorities. I loved my friends so much that I put their interest and passions before mine. In essence, people began to come before my dreams, passions, and I simply realized that I couldn’t operate in that space. It forced me to reevaluate my life. Once I got focused I was able to see who was for me and who wasn’t. I learned that is completely true that sometimes people will only support you when it’s on their terms, for their benefit, and when it’s convenient for them!
- Seclusion felt good.
- Although I LOVE people and I really mean it. My heart is BIG and I love so hard! But, as I became of age I started to really enjoy seclusion. Being alone with myself, indulging in my inner thoughts, having the freedom to just be me felt good. I didn’t have to pretend, or worry about saying the wrong thing. I didn’t have pause and think of anyone else’s opinion or feelings. Nor, did I have to worry about obligating myself emotionally. I learned that it was okay to be alone and to enjoy that alone time. I was able to recharge and that felt great! Sometimes shutting off the world and the phone is good for the soul!
- My blinders were removed.
- I don’t know about you, but I always give others the benefit of the doubt. It’s who I am. However, certain situations caused me to really see who I had in my circle. After so many hurts and disappointments, I learned to stop expecting so much. It made me see that sometimes people were around me for the wrong reasons or that I was giving more than receiving. In reality – people are selfish as crap! Heck, I’ve been selfish too! I accepted that people are people and although I’m always in a position to love and extend grace I realized that didn’t mean accepting treatment from others that I ultimately didn’t deserve. With friends you’ll always have differences. However, sometimes relationships need to end to move forward in life. Instead of waiting on people to end things for me I took the liberty of ending them myself. I no longer desired to be around unhealthy, toxic, negative behavior, and or illogical people. It’s tough to let go, but it’s tougher to stay somewhere you know you don’t belong and you feel unwelcome!
- I leveled up.
- I’m by no means saying leave your old crew and find a new one. We all know the impacts of that. However, I am saying that you have to begin to associate yourself with people that are on higher levels then you. For example – If you’re struggling in an area such as self love, find someone who isn’t and learn from them!! If you aspire to become a millionaire – you’ve got to locate one and soak up wisdom from them. If you want to become a wife, learn how to be one and stop dealing and tolerating things that will keep you single. I mean, leveling up is real adulting and I simply learned how to cease excuses and make it happen!
- I was tired of being hurt.
- It’s easy to say don’t enter into anything with expectations. But, realistically we do. We have expectations and ideas and once we’re proven wrong – we’re devastated. This was my case most days! I was tired of investing into someone so much or something that would leave me feeling disappointed or empty. I had to love me enough to place proper boundaries with people. Doing this allows you to preserve yourself. I no longer desired to invest in those that didn’t invest in me! Of course, no judgment, but we all know what this is and what that means.
Many of you have gone through situations that have changed your perception of people, places, and or things! These are basic reasons for me, and many more that could be shared but the focus isn’t on someone else, its to be on self. Proper love of self will help you and force you to grow, change, and see things differently. It by no means should change your love walk, or the grace you extend, but it will cause you to set proper boundaries and to deal with like minded individuals!
I am your biggest fan,